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Saturday, April 16, 2011

Love Letter to my Internet Boyfriends

I saw two young men crossing the road today and it made me wonder if possibly there is no such thing as linear time. Perhaps somehow the illusion of linear time is created by the way we store our thoughts, but in reality time is almost circular and sometimes folds over on itself.

The younger one was about 16 with unruly sandy brown hair that was cut short but but grown out a bit and messy. He was a head taller than the older one who was thirty-ish and had long straight hair to the middle of his back. For some reason I felt the need to watch them and try to figure out who they were. It wasn’t a big deal. It was just something to do. They made it across the street and my light turned green. It was a short observation, but worth the glimpse.

As I pulled away from the intersection I thought “They could be a younger modern version of Alanzo and Zinj.” That was the entire thought...until, I imagined their crusades and arguments. I heard their research and discoveries. I felt them coming a bit unglued and then pulling themselves together again. I just looked at reality and realized these were just two young men with no history or future who happened to spark the kind of mental wanderings that I am so prone to.

That’s when it hit me that everything I’m doing is what I’ve always done. Even though there are plenty of things about myself that I consider evidence of my evolution, or at least my emotional growth, there’s many more that prove positively that I am who I always was and I always will be. I knew that I had a case for the possibility of no linear time. All I ever really need are possibilities. It’s the possibilities that define us spiritually. History will continue to repeat itself and time will fold in on itself over and over again.

If we ask ourselves “What is the universe trying to tell me?” will we get answers, or just a clearer picture of the questions that never get answered??

Thank you cyber boyfriends for loving my mind without knowing my body. For giving value to my thoughts and the words that describe them. By sharing and understanding and encouraging and just being, you have opened the door to a new layer of creativity. 

Three years ago I decided the internet was my new religion. I’ve changed religions at least twice since then. I’m determined to live the rest of my life in complete and total uncertainty. There was a time when I had forgotten how good that feels.

So thanks to A and Z and a whole lotta letters in between I am able to enjoy the freefall of life in the real world with no magic net to catch me. I’ll always love you guys...............