For some reason I’ve been thinking about Danny and Ralph. Oh maybe it’s because I’ve been talking with Ralph’s little sister on Face Book a lot. That and the fact that I started this blog about relationships and how intense they can be through snapshots like the essays and poetry on this blog.
I never slept with Danny or Ralph, but I believed that they loved me at one time. Each in their own way. I know they found me attractive in a sexual way, but I believed and still do that it was more than that. Strangely I also have a “little girl” portion of me that blames them for not taking care of me. They were the big brothers I never had. They were the guys who took me places when we skipped school. They were my ticket out of being too young to drive. They were who I felt safe being reckless with.
Danny asked me to go with him to South America and start a worm farm. I told him I would. I figured he was kidding, but I would have gone if he wanted me to. It was strange. It was kind of like he was waiting for me to make a move, but he was older and the boy. This became a bit of a running theme for me in relationships. Somehow I find myself leading when I would like to follow, but I know that in some way I prevent my partner from leading. Probably mostly because I refuse to follow. So Danny never came through on the worm farm business and there’s one adventure I managed to miss.